Monday, May 10, 2010

Still A Mommy....

These are the last few pictures I took of my sweet boy. Yesterday I stared at these photo's all day. I was dreading Mother's Day, because I wasn't sure how I was going act or feel. I didn't sleep very well Saturday night and was up earlier Sunday morning. I ate breakfast with my family then headed out to the cemetery to visit Austin and talk. Every time I pull into the cemetery, the tears start rolling. Its just not fair that I have to visit my angel, it should be the other way around. Austin should be visiting me. After I left, I drove around for a while and cried. Just wondering what he would look like, what sounds he would be making, if he would like swimming, just lots of things running threw my mind. A part of me was ready to come back to Southport, but I had to be there for my wonderful mother, sweet mother-in-law, and my precious grandma. I had to find a way to make their day special even though I was hurting so bad. When I got home my sister had bought me a Mother's Day card and had a sweet message inside. I know I'm still a mother. A mother to a precious Baby Boy, that is in heaven. I just wish I could have held him and experienced the same enjoyment that so many other's felt. God's precious gift is a child, I just wish he would've let me hold mine a little longer.

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