Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Finding my way

I've finally decided to get some help with my grieving. I'm currently in a state of confusion. I've had this feeling for a while. I'm not myself and I know I need someone to talk to or at least help me find myself again. I have been very hesitant on seeking advice from a complete stranger, but what can it hurt? If I don't like it, then I don't have to continue and if I do, well..... It can't do anything but help me. This is a HUGE stepping stone for me, because I don't like to ask people for help. I'm stubborn, that's the Meeks in me, we all are stubborn. So its in my blood to figure it out on my own and see where the road leads. I'm open to this new challenge, hopefully it will help. I have hit a huge huge big anxiety level. Everything and everyone takes my nerves up a notch. I find myself apologizing for snapping at someone or at something, and then I'm in tears because I know it wasn't nice. So I pray that "He" will help guide through this rough patch. And give me some relief on my anxiety with life. Lord please give me strength to become the person I use to be. I want to laugh, smile, and be happy again. It's all in your hands God!


Saturday, August 21, 2010

Making Things Happen

School started this week. I'm back to college yet again still trying to finish my Middle School/High School Mathematics certification. I'm getting closer. I love Math and I love the fact that I actually understand what my professors are teaching. Math has always been my subject of choice. I wish I had known 12 years ago that I liked teaching, but that's the saying "you live and you learn" Yep, I lived.... I worked...... and I finally decided my heart was in Education. I've still got to take the Praxis I and Praxis II, and I am beyond nervous about them both. I do not test well at all.... Never have. I just hope God will allow me the strength to get through both tests and put me in the place my heart is telling me I should be.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Missing Him so much

Today is one of those days. I miss sweet Austin so so much. I'm so tired of dealing with other people's crap and trying to stay in control of my own feelings. I have not been myself lately. I wish I could feel the happiness I know I deserve, but lately I feel the world is against me. Like I'm just riding outside the bubble and looking in. I know people say it all the time.... Time heals all.... I hope my happiness is returned.... I have to keep that in perspective.
The picture above is the hand and foot prints the nurse took of Austin on February 6, 2010. The picture is the last one I took of him before he left us..... I would give anything to see that sweet smile and hold and kiss those little hands and feet again...... ANYTHING!!
Mommy and Daddy love and miss you Little Man.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Young Team

Volleyball is officially up and running. We have played 4 matches and we are 1-3. Not exactly how I pictured us starting the season, but we have played 2 really good teams which should give us a bunch of experience going into our conference games. We are very young team with 5 freshman, 1 sophomore, 3 Juniors, and 1 senior. I was hoping for a bigger turn out, but in a private school its hard to get good numbers. Hopefully, we can get to winning and start to turn this season around. I'm sure we will be fine in a few weeks. The girls are working hard and I know in time good things will happen. That's why we put all those hours in a gym. Now if only I can get the parents to understand that their child NEEDS to be at practice everyday.... Not when they feel the need to come. I love my girls, but I miss the competitive training. I know one day I'll be back at that level, I just have to be PATIENT. Which if you know me, IS not my thing! But until then its back to the drawing board to figure out what and how we can get this season turned around! GO HURRICANES!!!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Volleyball has begun

Hi all, Sorry I haven't written in a while. I haven't been in the mood and really didn't have the words to put up on the screen. Brian and I just got back from family vacation with the Brumble clan. Lots of fun in the sun and laughing with everyone. We are out growing our usual head quarters, so we are all praying that we can convince a few to get a BIG house next year. A big house would be fabulous.

Well yesterday started a new season of volleyball at CAPE FEAR ACADEMY. Excited to get back in the gym, but lots of work and long hours in store. I use to be able to run all over that court with them, but 20 lbs heavier, sciatic nerve problems, and being out of Volleyball shape for having a baby last fall makes me look like a little turtle out there. Maybe this will get me back in shape. I run, lift weights, eat healthy, but volleyball shape is much much different. If you play you will understand stand.

Well off to get ready for another day of 3 hours of practice. So glad when we get everyone in the gym and back to par. I can do so much more in 2 hours of practice than stretching it out to just one more hour. I think I even lose focused. Back to the grind..... Back will probably detach today. I already walk around like a grandma!