Friday, October 29, 2010

WIth a Smile

Many of you are probably wondering how we made it through Austin's Birthday Celebration last week. Three words....... With a Smile. No tears were shed on my part. I had this unexplainable feeling of joy. I knew God was taking care of me and giving me the strength to make it threw. I know our little man is in a wonderful place. A place that is free of worry, crazies, and evil. God has him and they are playing in his garden. Oh, how I can't wait to be up there playing too. In time we will see you again sweet angel. Keep shinning on mommy and daddy. We love you. Forever In Our Hearts.

The picture in this post is from Servant Hearts. A cute little booth in Artisans.
Check them out at servanthearts.com


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

2 more days

Yes, I'm counting the days down until Austin's 1st Birthday. I'm still a little nervous about Thursday. I had a little melt down yesterday at Jersey Mike's while eating lunch. Thinking back to last October 19th when I was sitting in the doctors office with my blood pressure 190/100 waiting impatiently for them to send me over to the hospital. I gained 20 pounds in one week, and I couldn't even see the bones in my feet because they were so swollen. I kept telling the doctors in our practice that something was not right. I didn't spend 4 years learning BP readings and working another 5 years doing BP reading and educating people of what is a good BP and what is not for nothing. My normal BP before having Austin, always ran 96/65. Never higher and never lower. Always on the low end. So when I noticed that it continuously kept creeping at each doctors appointment I knew something was going on. Of course my brilliant doctor (sense the humor) told me to cut back on sodium and drink more water. Really? Was all I thought. I still workout, I still teach aerobics, I still eat healthy, and all I drink is water. I guess that's why they pay him the BIG bucks, to tell a pregnant woman with a BP of 190/100 to eat less sodium. Still angers me.

Ok I'll get back to my purpose......

Thursday, October 21, 2010 is Austin's 1st Birthday. It's a day that Brian and I will have to spend without our baby boy. I know god is looking out for us, and I keep praying that he holds our hands a little tighter on Thursday. I will never forget October 21, 2009. 8 hours of labor, a lot of pain, and a sweet little angel that was given to us. We could only hold him for 3 months, but he will forever be in our hearts. I'd give anything to have him here with us.... ANYTHING!


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Approaching The Day

I've always loved Halloween. The kids, the costumes, the pumpkin patches, and the beautiful fall colors. Last year this time, we were hoping Austin would be here before Halloween so we could dress him up in a cute little outfit. I delayed us buying an outfit, because his due date wasn't til November 4th. We had decided to get one if he came early, and if not, well.... it was ok too. Thinking this Halloween would be more fun. Unfortunately that is not the case. Brian and I are having to go through another first without our sweet Austin. Our first Halloween without our baby boy. A baby that would be crawling and trying to walk at this time. A baby that would be learning how to say mommy and daddy, and many other words and sounds in our crazy world.

October 21st is approaching faster than we want it too. We knew this day was gonna come, we just don't know how we will feel on that day. We miss our baby boy so so much. Each day continues to be a struggle of ups and downs. Brian and I manage to take it day-by-day. Some days I just don't know how we are going to make it to the next. The pain may be more bearable, but the pain of not having your child continues to weigh heavily on our hearts.

Thinking about Austin as I drove to my counseling appointment today, what should be Austin's 1st Birthday is only 14 days away.

God, Please help us as we approach Austin's 1st Birthday without him.