Thursday, November 17, 2011

Putting in out there..

I haven't had time in a few months to update my blog quite the way I wanted to, so I apologized for the few people that like hearing my story and like staying updated on our sweet little Andrew.

With that being said..... I mentioned a while back that I wanted to use this blog more to vent and put real life feelings out there. I don't need a lot of attention, never have, so when I feel something is worth writing about I try to find the time to write about it and just "vent" as I like to call it. A person's true personality is reveal when things get heated. Stress puts most people in the "REAL" category as I like to call it too. I am a firm believer in telling things like it is and not painting a roses picture of perfection. Which brings me to this blog entry. I just don't understand the people out there that use social networking as a tool to explain what they do every minute of everyday. I'm not perfect in this category by any mean, but I always wonder what really makes people think that the world needs to know every single detail of their life? I'm sure it has to do with the type of person you are and how you were taught to handle different situations as you have grown up, I just always find myself wondering why people like putting every little detail about their life out there for everyone to comment on. It just doesn't make a lot of sense for the world to know everyday what my emotional status is or what I may be thinking. I like posting quotes that give me strength and I hope that other people who follow me here and on my other social networks find the positives from my postings. I also like to update pictures and put time lines together of the most important things in my life which is my family and my children. However, I don't need to show everyone that I'm struggling with my loss. Everyone expects the struggle that Brian and I face. There will never be a day that we don't think of our sweet little Austin and wish for him to be with us. Our situation is one that many people have faced and will continue to face as the world turns. I know I find my strength in the positive environments that come our way. I don't want or need to have someone hold my hand and tell me its gonna be ok and that God has a plan for us. I already know that and I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Struggles help shape us individuals. If you don't believe me, just look a something that didn't go your way, and see what the conclusion resulted in..... Better things seem to find us if we allow it too. :)

And before I end here, I hope that no one takes this post as pointing finger. I'm just writing about the overall feeling I have for what A LOT of people do with their social networking sites. I am in no way judging anyone. We are all different. Exactly how God planned it!

Happy Thursday!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Happy 2nd Birthday Austin

October will always be a month that bring our family together. Most families are planning what their children will be for Halloween and decorating their yards and houses with pumpkins and fall decor. However, for our family its a month to reflect on our time 2 years ago when our first baby boy entered the world. Brian and I never knew that October 21, 2009 would change our lives forever. We welcomed Austin Charles into our growing family with so much love. The kind of love you never experience until you have a child. Little did we know that God would need him 3 months later. We still struggle with the what ifs, and the if only..... but we know Austin is in a better place. A place that is filled with happiness and love. So as I sit here and type this post, I continue to reflect on the fun times we had with Austin for those short 3 months. We talk daily about what/who he would look like now, what things he would enjoy, and who's personality his would resemble. Oh... how our lives would be different if we had both our babies.

Happy 2nd Birthday Austin. You will always be our little Angel. The best costume ever!


Monday, September 26, 2011


Its a few months since I've blogged and I apologize for not giving my frequent readers a little insight into The Brumble's household. Brian and I both are in a learning process of give and take. I'm learning to lean on him more and more each day. I had a breaking point a few weeks ago and told him, "I need more help from him." I think it threw him off guard, because I handle everything in our household except the job of a paying paycheck. However, I was running on empty and needed him to step up and help without me having to always ask. If the baby is screaming and I'm doing something else, pick him up. If the baby needs another bottle, make it. If the babies diaper is dirty, change it. I don't expect him to read my mind, but I do expect him to think outside the box sometimes. We have now put planning to work. I plan out what I want him to do and then he has a little direction of what I want from him. It's a learning process, but we're making it. Like I said before, "It's give and take in our household." He's learning, and everyone I've asked advice from says their husbands are the same way. Knowing that I'm not the only crazy mother/wife out there let me relax just a little.


Little Andrew is 4 months old. Parenthood has hit a milestone. Austin was 3 months old when he passed away, so all the changes and learning skills Andrew is developing daily brings us all to the questions of "what if," but that's another blog worth sharing in a few more days...... hopefully. :)


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

What's to come

My blog is starting to look at little boring... well let's be honest really boring. I've had a lot going on. Trying to adjust to motherhood again and adjust to all that life is throwing at me. A few weeks ago I was at my breaking point. I'm struggling with postpartum depression. My doctor and Mid-wife told me I would probably experience some ups and downs as I adjusted to motherhood again. Lots of old feelings continue to weigh heavily on my heart. The fact that I'm still grieving the loss of a child, plus trying to adjust to all the demands my sweet Andrew has too, has me on edge.

I wrote down a list of emotions the other week and put it aside. I wasn't sure if it was worth sharing, but every night I overlook the list and still feel just as strongly about these words as I did 2 weeks ago. My goal is to write about each of these feelings and take my blog in a direction that is meaningful to me. I'm a straight shooter. To have a blog that tells a fairytale would not be who I am. I want to give my honest opinion and my outlook on many topics in which I hope to make available to more and more readers. Below is my little poem I wrote (at least I think it sounds like a poem) of all that I have inside of me that I want to let out.

Why don't people understand?
A crying infant,
Dealing with Grief,
A husband that doesn't understand.
People annoying the shit out of me.
What do I say?
What do I do?
Is failure acceptable?
Why is life so hard?
Why don't people understand.

Sorry if you think I'm a terrible person or just plain crazy, but like I said the other day on my facebook status....."we keep it real in our household." There's no silver lining in our marriage, our life, or our friendships. We keep it real and tell it like it is. You love us or you hate us. There is no in between. I'm a mother who is still struggling (I always will) with the death of her first son. I'm a mother of 2 sweet little boys one in heaven and one on earth. I have good days and I have bad days and lately as I struggle with Postpartum Depression... I just have days.....


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sweet Andrew is Here

3 weeks old sitting in daddy's chair
2 weeks

2.5 weeks

So sweet

Getting a bath.

1 week old

I'm here!

Andrew David was born on May 23, 2011 at 9:08pm. Weight 8.1lbs, 19.5 inches long. Its amazing how much he looks like his older brother. We are adjusting and enjoying every minute with Andrew. So Far, he's been a good baby. Naps often, eats non-stop, and sleeps at least 3 or 4 hours at a time during the evening. Enjoy the sweet pictures of Andrew in his first 4 weeks with us. Lots of smiles and love to share with this little boy. He is special to all of us in so many ways.


Monday, May 16, 2011

The Question

I was going to write about "the question" a while back, but never got around to it. I figured it was "the question" I would always have to deal with being pregnant and then once our sweet little Andrew arrives. However, for some reason "the question" has come up in conversation more than I would like these last few weeks. Yes, I understand I will always answer "the question" depending on my mood or what might keep the conversation going or have the conversation end. Mostly I like when people just say cool, and move on. However, lately "the question" has interested people (complete strangers) to keep digging.

"The Question" as I call it, that leads into a journal of questions is...... "Is this your first child?"

Which leads me into this type of conversation with a complete stranger.

Me: "No its my 2nd child."

Stranger: Oh, do you know what you're having?

Me: Yes, a boy!

Stranger: What is your first child?

Me: A boy!

Stranger: Oh you are destine to have all boys. So will you try for a girl one day?

Me: I guess. We might, trying to have this baby boy first.

Stranger: So how old is your first child? And aren't you glad you don't have to go through the summer heat pregnant.

Ok, this is the part that makes me want to get up and walk away, but I know people are just trying to be nice. Most of the time the conversation will end with me saying its a boy and yes, we are excited to have 2 baby boys. But when the person continues to ask questions, I've found that its just easier to keep them thinking that Austin is still here. I'm not necessarily lying, but it keeps the smiles and not the reaction of oh my gosh I'm so sorry.

I really wish people wouldn't be so damn noisy. I'm not afraid to tell my story of Austin, it actually brings a lot of joy to me to talk about him. But for some reason, people feel the need to keep pushing, when they should just shut-up.

I had a lady at the beach a few weeks back, talk about what happens while you're in labor. She was going on and on and on, and I tried to keep the conversation flowing the best I could without her asking me the dreaded questions. Then she asked how big my first child was today, that's when I had to tell her, I lost my first child at 3 months. Of course the look on her face was like she had saw a ghost. She teared up and walked away. She assumed that this was my first child from the start and continued to dig the hole deeper and deeper with her conversation. She even said at one time, "you just gotta push that baby out and they will be there for you to hug and kiss forever." I know she meant well, but I wish she had just left the whole situation alone.

Oh the joy of complete strangers asking innocent questions. Kind of like the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover." People need not to assume, everyone has the same happily ever after.


Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I'm up pretty late tonight. Actually its 12:38am, so I guess its early morning to some people. I have a lot on my mind. Just thinking of the next few weeks that will lead us to meeting our new little baby boy. We've got his name finally. Andrew David Brumble is expected to arrive on May 27th, 2011. I say all the time I'm ready for him to make his appearance, but deep down I know I'm scared to death. I've begun to think about his older brother Austin more and more these last few weeks. My father-in-law and I had a long conversation tonight about little Austin and how we still don't understand why he was taken away from us so soon. I can tell the anxiety in everyone is starting to kick in. We are all nervous, scared, and excited at the same time. I know Andrew is going to bring that sunshine back into our lives that we lost when Austin passed away. However, we all are human, and to say no one is scared to death would be an understatement. How long will Andrew be with us? How long is God's plan for our family to be together? These are just a few of the questions that run through my mind continuously everyday. I'm scared to death of what the future holds. All I can do is pray that God allows me a smooth and healthy delivery. I know I have to put it all in HIS hands, and I do, but I'm not gonna say that I'm not scared.


Friday, April 22, 2011

Well into the third tri-mester

Sweet little Boy! Look at those Brumble Cheeks.

Getting bigger!

Its been a while since I've had a chance to blog. Life is moving in fastward. Between working, coaching volleyball, and moving into the rental house, this little mama has been extra busy. No time to be tired, things have to be done. And for all of you that know me, I have to do it my way without asking for help, because that's just my strong personality. My motto has always been, "If you want it done and done right, just do it yourself."

However.......the hardest part for me these last few weeks, is hat I've had to ask people to help me. This baby boy has been talking to me and letting me know he is ready to make his way into the world. I need him to stay put for at least 2 more weeks. I'm understanding more and more why I like things done my way...... People are unpredictable. One minute they can help, and the next minute something else has them being pulled away. I understand we all have life challenges and things come up, but if you tell someone you'll do something, then do it. It's more frustrating when you don't and the person has to keep asking you over and over again. I like to GET IT DONE and be done with it. Life is a lot less stressful when things GET DONE!

Oh well, guess this is God's way of telling me to SLOOOOOOW DOWN and take it day-to-day. Guess I better listen.

I'm 35 weeks and counting. Ready to meet our little baby boy. As we call him, "Mr. Brumble." We've narrowed our name selection down, now its just a matter of making sure we are happy with what we've picked out. Not much longer..... 5 weeks to go! :)


Sunday, March 6, 2011

28 weeks

I have finally approached the 3rd Tri-mester. Baby boy is growing leaps and bounds, and so is my figure. My appetite has gotten bigger and I'm seeing my clothes start to get tighter. Yes, I know its all suppose to happen this way, but I'm a crazy health nut and love a good long intense workout. However, with all the belly growth, pulling of muscles in the lower abdominal, braxton-hicks contractions, and sciatic pain, I'm having to turn the intensity level down and listen to my body. So, now my exercise workouts consist of slow walks and light weights. Boring I know, but only 12 weeks to go before we meet Little Boy Brumble and then a few weeks of recovery, and its back to my regular hi-intensity runs/walks. And I can not wait, because it will all be done with my sweet little boy. One of the few little things he will get to experience with me, that his older brother Austin got to do too. Mommy and her boys! Angel in my heart, new little buddy in my belly. Come on May 27th I'm ready!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

A year ago

Today marks a place in our hearts that we never thought was coming our way. A year ago today Brian and I held sweet Austin for the last time. Now all we have are our pictures and memories of his short little life. February should be his 16 months mark, but instead we are left with the tragic memory of his death. We know he is in a good place, but it still doesn't make days like today any easier. He will be with us forever and we know he is shining down on us.
Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you so very much. Soon will be all be together again. Until then keep shinning on us and your little brother on the way.
Forever in our hearts!
Mommy and Daddy

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Honest Opinion

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to tell everyone what you really feel? Well, I'm having one of those days today. I know I'm on edge because in 4 days Brian and I will have to struggle with how we felt on February 6, 2010. A day that I wish I could change and a day I never hope to experience ever again. I know in some strange way we've become different people. I know people think its ok to talk about their feelings or what scares them about their own children, and I've learned to just smile and nod most of the time, but the answer I always give them when they go on and on about whatever the topic may be, is that at least you get a chance to plan. Brian and I didn't get the opportunity to plan Austin's life. He was taken from us way to early. We didn't get a warning sign or a doctor's prediction. We had to deal with losing our son in the most horrible way possible. Seeing him lay in bed limp, with no sign of hope that he was gonna wake up. I replay that morning over and over again. Why wasn't I able to help him? Why didn't I hear him cry? Why wasn't I awake to make sure he was ok? So many questions and so many thoughts of which I will live with the rest of my life.

Where has my compassion gone for other people? Why do I get aggravated so easily when people complain? I lost a part of me when Austin passed away. My heart has a big hole in the middle and it will never be replaced. I know the next few days are going to be full of emotions, I just pray God will hold Brian and I's hands a little tighter as we approach the day we lost sweet Austin.

When you have truly loved someone the pain you experience never goes away. You carry that pain everywhere you go and you learn how to manage that pain one day at a time.

We are ready to be parents again. Scared to death, of course, but willing to give it another try and praying that God let's up keep this little boy a whole lot longer. I don't think I can survive losing another child, but I know and trust that God knows that too.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

21 weeks and counting

Currently 21 weeks along. Went to the doctor's today and everything seems to be trucking along as it should be. I finally gained 6 pounds. I have lost a total of 15 pounds since I found out I was pregnant back in September. The weight just keep coming off. Each doctors visit from the previous months, I had lost at least 5 lbs each month. So I was glad to see I put a little weight back on. I wasn't really worried, I knew it would come.... eventually! At this point in my pregnancy with Austin, I had tacked on 20 extra pounds. Just goes to show how each pregnancy is different. He's moving around, punching me at night, and hiccuping every time I drink a fountain soda. AMAZING! What a blessing to have the opportunity to be parent again. Hurry up May 27th, I'm ready to meet my baby boy.

We also got some very exciting news today. My cousin and his wife are expecting just 8 weeks after Baby Brumble is due. Needless to say the Meeks's will be busy this summer spoiling 2 little precious babies.