Positive Thinking

Yes, my title is Positive Thinking. I've seen way too many pictures of everyone and their babies over the last few days. I'm not bitter, but my heart is still broken because I don't have my baby boy anymore. Mother's Day is approaching, way to fast for me. I keep wishing it would just go away. Problem is... It's not going anywhere. I know I have to deal with it and move forward. I just wish people would be more sensitive to the position Brian and I are in. Yes, I know not everyone feels the broken heart like we do, and yes, I am still happy for everyone who has healthy babies, but it's still a touchy situation no matter how you look at it from my point of view. I'm suppose the be excited for Austin growing and learning new things, but I'm stuck here trying to understand WHY he's not with me anymore. Brian told me to just deal with Mother's Day and that we couldn't erase it.... He is right in so many ways, but to me I want it to disapear. I could care less for Sunday to get here. So many people will be posting their excitement with their new babies and families, and I will be still wondering what it would be like to have my Austin here with me. I'm still very bitter and yes most people will say to just move forward... but when you loose a baby the way Brian and I did, you can't tell me or anyone in my position how to feel or act. If you've been there, then please give me advice, but if you haven't lost a child then don't try to tell me its OK... Because honestly it will get easier, but it will NEVER be the same without him. I continue to try and move in a positive direction and put all my faith in God. I'm not gonna say its been easy, because days like today, I think of how my 7 month old baby would be moving around and relating to us. Austin's not with us and I will never understand that, but I will continue to hold on and believe that GOD has a plan for me and Brian, and I hope we understand it one day..... Or at least find PEACE.

Kellie