My blog is starting to look at little boring... well let's be honest really boring. I've had a lot going on. Trying to adjust to motherhood again and adjust to all that life is throwing at me. A few weeks ago I was at my breaking point. I'm struggling with postpartum depression. My doctor and Mid-wife told me I would probably experience some ups and downs as I adjusted to motherhood again. Lots of old feelings continue to weigh heavily on my heart. The fact that I'm still grieving the loss of a child, plus trying to adjust to all the demands my sweet Andrew has too, has me on edge.
I wrote down a list of emotions the other week and put it aside. I wasn't sure if it was worth sharing, but every night I overlook the list and still feel just as strongly about these words as I did 2 weeks ago. My goal is to write about each of these feelings and take my blog in a direction that is meaningful to me. I'm a straight shooter. To have a blog that tells a fairytale would not be who I am. I want to give my honest opinion and my outlook on many topics in which I hope to make available to more and more readers. Below is my little poem I wrote (at least I think it sounds like a poem) of all that I have inside of me that I want to let out.
Why don't people understand?
A crying infant,
Dealing with Grief,
A husband that doesn't understand.
People annoying the shit out of me.
What do I say?
What do I do?
Is failure acceptable?
Why is life so hard?
Why don't people understand.
Sorry if you think I'm a terrible person or just plain crazy, but like I said the other day on my facebook status....."we keep it real in our household." There's no silver lining in our marriage, our life, or our friendships. We keep it real and tell it like it is. You love us or you hate us. There is no in between. I'm a mother who is still struggling (I always will) with the death of her first son. I'm a mother of 2 sweet little boys one in heaven and one on earth. I have good days and I have bad days and lately as I struggle with Postpartum Depression... I just have days.....
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
3 weeks old sitting in daddy's chair
Getting a bath.
1 week old
Andrew David was born on May 23, 2011 at 9:08pm. Weight 8.1lbs, 19.5 inches long. Its amazing how much he looks like his older brother. We are adjusting and enjoying every minute with Andrew. So Far, he's been a good baby. Naps often, eats non-stop, and sleeps at least 3 or 4 hours at a time during the evening. Enjoy the sweet pictures of Andrew in his first 4 weeks with us. Lots of smiles and love to share with this little boy. He is special to all of us in so many ways.