28 weeks

I have finally approached the 3rd Tri-mester. Baby boy is growing leaps and bounds, and so is my figure. My appetite has gotten bigger and I'm seeing my clothes start to get tighter. Yes, I know its all suppose to happen this way, but I'm a crazy health nut and love a good long intense workout. However, with all the belly growth, pulling of muscles in the lower abdominal, braxton-hicks contractions, and sciatic pain, I'm having to turn the intensity level down and listen to my body. So, now my exercise workouts consist of slow walks and light weights. Boring I know, but only 12 weeks to go before we meet Little Boy Brumble and then a few weeks of recovery, and its back to my regular hi-intensity runs/walks. And I can not wait, because it will all be done with my sweet little boy. One of the few little things he will get to experience with me, that his older brother Austin got to do too. Mommy and her boys! Angel in my heart, new little buddy in my belly. Come on May 27th I'm ready!

KELLIE

A year ago

Today marks a place in our hearts that we never thought was coming our way. A year ago today Brian and I held sweet Austin for the last time. Now all we have are our pictures and memories of his short little life. February should be his 16 months mark, but instead we are left with the tragic memory of his death. We know he is in a good place, but it still doesn't make days like today any easier. He will be with us forever and we know he is shining down on us.

Austin,
Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you so very much. Soon will be all be together again. Until then keep shinning on us and your little brother on the way.

Forever in our hearts!

Mommy and Daddy

Honest Opinion

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to tell everyone what you really feel? Well, I'm having one of those days today. I know I'm on edge because in 4 days Brian and I will have to struggle with how we felt on February 6, 2010. A day that I wish I could change and a day I never hope to experience ever again. I know in some strange way we've become different people. I know people think its ok to talk about their feelings or what scares them about their own children, and I've learned to just smile and nod most of the time, but the answer I always give them when they go on and on about whatever the topic may be, is that at least you get a chance to plan. Brian and I didn't get the opportunity to plan Austin's life. He was taken from us way to early. We didn't get a warning sign or a doctor's prediction. We had to deal with losing our son in the most horrible way possible. Seeing him lay in bed limp, with no sign of hope that he was gonna wake up. I replay that morning over and over again. Why wasn't I able to help him? Why didn't I hear him cry? Why wasn't I awake to make sure he was ok? So many questions and so many thoughts of which I will live with the rest of my life.

Where has my compassion gone for other people? Why do I get aggravated so easily when people complain? I lost a part of me when Austin passed away. My heart has a big hole in the middle and it will never be replaced. I know the next few days are going to be full of emotions, I just pray God will hold Brian and I's hands a little tighter as we approach the day we lost sweet Austin.

When you have truly loved someone the pain you experience never goes away. You carry that pain everywhere you go and you learn how to manage that pain one day at a time.

We are ready to be parents again. Scared to death, of course, but willing to give it another try and praying that God let's up keep this little boy a whole lot longer. I don't think I can survive losing another child, but I know and trust that God knows that too.

Kellie

21 weeks and counting

Currently 21 weeks along. Went to the doctor's today and everything seems to be trucking along as it should be. I finally gained 6 pounds. I have lost a total of 15 pounds since I found out I was pregnant back in September. The weight just keep coming off. Each doctors visit from the previous months, I had lost at least 5 lbs each month. So I was glad to see I put a little weight back on. I wasn't really worried, I knew it would come.... eventually! At this point in my pregnancy with Austin, I had tacked on 20 extra pounds. Just goes to show how each pregnancy is different. He's moving around, punching me at night, and hiccuping every time I drink a fountain soda. AMAZING! What a blessing to have the opportunity to be parent again. Hurry up May 27th, I'm ready to meet my baby boy.

We also got some very exciting news today. My cousin and his wife are expecting just 8 weeks after Baby Brumble is due. Needless to say the Meeks's will be busy this summer spoiling 2 little precious babies.

KELLIE