Happy 2nd Birthday Austin

October will always be a month that bring our family together. Most families are planning what their children will be for Halloween and decorating their yards and houses with pumpkins and fall decor. However, for our family its a month to reflect on our time 2 years ago when our first baby boy entered the world. Brian and I never knew that October 21, 2009 would change our lives forever. We welcomed Austin Charles into our growing family with so much love. The kind of love you never experience until you have a child. Little did we know that God would need him 3 months later. We still struggle with the what ifs, and the if only..... but we know Austin is in a better place. A place that is filled with happiness and love. So as I sit here and type this post, I continue to reflect on the fun times we had with Austin for those short 3 months. We talk daily about what/who he would look like now, what things he would enjoy, and who's personality his would resemble. Oh... how our lives would be different if we had both our babies.

Happy 2nd Birthday Austin. You will always be our little Angel. The best costume ever!

KELLIE

Finally

Its a few months since I've blogged and I apologize for not giving my frequent readers a little insight into The Brumble's household. Brian and I both are in a learning process of give and take. I'm learning to lean on him more and more each day. I had a breaking point a few weeks ago and told him, "I need more help from him." I think it threw him off guard, because I handle everything in our household except the job of a paying paycheck. However, I was running on empty and needed him to step up and help without me having to always ask. If the baby is screaming and I'm doing something else, pick him up. If the baby needs another bottle, make it. If the babies diaper is dirty, change it. I don't expect him to read my mind, but I do expect him to think outside the box sometimes. We have now put planning to work. I plan out what I want him to do and then he has a little direction of what I want from him. It's a learning process, but we're making it. Like I said before, "It's give and take in our household." He's learning, and everyone I've asked advice from says their husbands are the same way. Knowing that I'm not the only crazy mother/wife out there let me relax just a little.

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Little Andrew is 4 months old. Parenthood has hit a milestone. Austin was 3 months old when he passed away, so all the changes and learning skills Andrew is developing daily brings us all to the questions of "what if," but that's another blog worth sharing in a few more days...... hopefully. :)

Kellie

What's to come

My blog is starting to look at little boring... well let's be honest really boring. I've had a lot going on. Trying to adjust to motherhood again and adjust to all that life is throwing at me. A few weeks ago I was at my breaking point. I'm struggling with postpartum depression. My doctor and Mid-wife told me I would probably experience some ups and downs as I adjusted to motherhood again. Lots of old feelings continue to weigh heavily on my heart. The fact that I'm still grieving the loss of a child, plus trying to adjust to all the demands my sweet Andrew has too, has me on edge.

I wrote down a list of emotions the other week and put it aside. I wasn't sure if it was worth sharing, but every night I overlook the list and still feel just as strongly about these words as I did 2 weeks ago. My goal is to write about each of these feelings and take my blog in a direction that is meaningful to me. I'm a straight shooter. To have a blog that tells a fairytale would not be who I am. I want to give my honest opinion and my outlook on many topics in which I hope to make available to more and more readers. Below is my little poem I wrote (at least I think it sounds like a poem) of all that I have inside of me that I want to let out.

Why don't people understand?
A crying infant,
Dealing with Grief,
A husband that doesn't understand.
People annoying the shit out of me.
What do I say?
What do I do?
Is failure acceptable?
Why is life so hard?
Why don't people understand.

Sorry if you think I'm a terrible person or just plain crazy, but like I said the other day on my facebook status....."we keep it real in our household." There's no silver lining in our marriage, our life, or our friendships. We keep it real and tell it like it is. You love us or you hate us. There is no in between. I'm a mother who is still struggling (I always will) with the death of her first son. I'm a mother of 2 sweet little boys one in heaven and one on earth. I have good days and I have bad days and lately as I struggle with Postpartum Depression... I just have days.....

Kellie

Sweet Andrew is Here

3 weeks old sitting in daddy's chair
2 weeks

2.5 weeks

So sweet

Getting a bath.

1 week old

I'm here!

Andrew David was born on May 23, 2011 at 9:08pm. Weight 8.1lbs, 19.5 inches long. Its amazing how much he looks like his older brother. We are adjusting and enjoying every minute with Andrew. So Far, he's been a good baby. Naps often, eats non-stop, and sleeps at least 3 or 4 hours at a time during the evening. Enjoy the sweet pictures of Andrew in his first 4 weeks with us. Lots of smiles and love to share with this little boy. He is special to all of us in so many ways.

Kellie