Home Sweet Greenville

Yes my title is exactly what it means. Home Sweet Greenville... Which to me means home sweet home and home will always be in Greenville. Close to my baby boy and all my wonderful family. Brian always replies to it as, "Kellie's whole oak tree, roots and all live in Greenville or very close by." I laugh at it because his family is all over the place, mostly Burlington, NC and Columbia, TN and South Carolina. I love home and I love being with my family. It's a feeling that is hard to explain.....It just makes you feel HOME! I'm in Greenville until Monday, while Brian has headed to Charlotte to the NASCAR 600 race Sunday. I'm not a big fan of watching cars go round and round, so I told him to go with friends and I would head HOME. B/c I would probably whine most of the day if I was stuck watching cars circle. Better for both of us if I came to home. I've been a couple of times, and it's not really that bad, but not something I really enjoy doing.

I had an old college friend of mine email me this week. She told me she was still thinking about and praying for me and Brian. She then told me she had some bad news. She lost one of her twins in April and wanted me to know that her little man is resting beside my Austin. They are barried right beside each other. When I finished reading the email, I dropped my phone and cried. Cried harder than I have in a long time. The tears and heartache I felt for her was how I felt at the hospital holding Austin for the last time. That day will forever be stamped in my mind. I told her I was sorry that she was having to experience this type of pain. I have prayed and prayed to God and wished he could tell me why, as I still find it unfair that we are having to go through this, but I then remind myself that he has a plan for us, bigger than we can know at this point. I still get teary eyed and chills just thinking about it. What are the chances of finding out from a close friend, that they too are having to go through this experience? Sad is all I can say! Very Sad!

Kellie

God's Way

Today's been pretty good. I've been a little groggy, but I'm sure it has to do with the weather. I'm currently unemployed (which is ok with me) and have no classes this summer, so I try to keep myself busy most days by keeping our house clean and orderly, and making sure Brian has clean clothes for work. He's not the neatest person in the world, so I am constantly picking up his stuff everyday. I use to get upset, but you learn when you get married there are some things to argue about and some things you just do without a word. Don't get me wrong, I get aggravated with his messiness, but if he didn't make messes then what would I do with my time? I guess its "God's Way" of keeping my mind busy! I'll take it....

I came across this quote today......

"We thought of you today, but that is nothing new. We thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. We think of you in silence, We often speak your name. All we have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which we'll never part. God has you in his arms..We have you in our heart!"...... Mommy and Daddy miss you so much baby boy! Keep shining on us!

I added the end part and also took out the "I's" and added the "We's." I felt it was a perfect quote for Brian and I at this time in our grieving process. I've seen this quote many times before, however I wasn't ready to share it as "OUR" daily quote.... But I'm ready now.

After posting the quote for Austin, I got a little emotional. It's still hard to understand why he's not with us. Brian and I miss him more and more everyday. Brian's a very quite person when it comes to grieving and I don't push asking him questions. I feel he'll talk to me when he wants too. I know he's had a hard time the last few days, so I took a lot more from this quote than saying I miss Austin. It needed to be We miss him, We love him, and We wish we could see that sweet smile again..... Because "WE" are on this emotional roller coaster together!

I also got an email from the guys at the funeral home where we had Austin's service and who helped us with our Marker for Austin's grave site. He sent me a few pictures of what the Marker looks like, (I'm happy and sad that its finally here). I know many people will say its weird to want to see your child's marker, but I wanted Austin to have the best we could give him and the Good Lord above let that happen for us. I felt after all that occured today, It was "God's Way" again for letting us know he was looking over us. Thank you Jesus for showing us your love and support as you walk with us. God Bless!

Kellie

Happy 7 Month's Baby Boy

7 months ago I gave birth to my little angel,Austin Charles Brumble, at 3:18pm. He weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 21 inches long. The most exciting day of my life and I would do it countless times if I could have him back. Pain, tears, head in the pillow, etc., I would take it all on again and again if I could have him with me today. I know he's happy and playing with the other angels in heaven. I also know that God is taking better care of him than I ever could. But it doesn't take the pain away that Brian and I have everyday. Pain that so many people say will eventually go away, but I still don't believe that. I know in my heart that it will get easier, but the pain you experience with the loss of a child is a kind of pain that you can't describe, unless you've experienced it. I continue to think of how he would look today, and how big he would be. The hardest part for me is to see other people with babies that are close to the age Austin would be. I see them and my heart drops every time. Its almost like the wind is taken out of you. That pain will be with Brian and I for the rest of our lives. Nothing will make that go away, EVER.
Baby Boy.....Mommy and Daddy love you and miss you so much!

Kellie

Still Thinking....

Sorry, I haven't posted in the last week. I was out of town all last week spending quality time with my family in Greenville, while Brian was away on a business trip in Atlanta. When I'm at home it just feel an overwhelming feeling.....a feeling that is hard to explain, but a feeling that let's me know I love that place and I'm so thankful to have it to go back to whenever I want. I especially love spending time with my precious niece Kenleigh. She is growing so fast and changing so much. She's starting to put her words together and it is hilarious. Every time I come around she says, "Where Brian at?" and I say, "He's at work sweetheart." She'll look at me with her big brown eyes, smile and say, "oh Kel Kel, Brian work." And then she goes on her marry way. I'm excited that she and my sister (Brandy) are coming this weekend. Having Kenleigh around makes my heart smile and continues to let me know I want to be a mother again, I want another precious baby boy or girl to have, hold, and love. I'm good at being an Aunt. Kenleigh and I have so much fun, she's my little side kick when she's around. She loves her Aunt Kel Kel (me of course).

Talk to you soon,

KELLIE